How to Write a Meaningful Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide

Cameron Williamson

When my brothers and I sat down to write our dad’s obituary, we were honestly terrified. None of us had ever done anything like this before, and the thought of getting it “wrong” or leaving out something important kept us up at night. We just wanted to honor him properly, to capture the man he really was and make sure his story felt complete. We worried the words wouldn’t do him justice.

That’s the moment so many families face.

Writing an obituary can feel overwhelming, especially when your heart is already heavy with grief. But it doesn’t have to be. We all want the same thing: to celebrate the life of someone we love, to make sure their memory lives on in a way that truly reflects who they were. Every person is one-of-a-kind, with their quirks, their laughter, and their quiet acts of kindness, and they deserve to be remembered with care and authenticity.

This is a tender, difficult time, and you don’t have to go through it alone.

Losing someone close to us is one of life's most challenging experiences. Amid the grief, crafting an obituary serves as a heartfelt tribute, a way to celebrate their life, share their story, and inform others of their passing. Whether you're writing for a newspaper, online memorial site, or family keepsake, a well-written obituary honors the deceased while providing comfort to those left behind. In this guide, we'll walk you through the process step by step, drawing on key questions to uncover personal details and important facts to include. Let's make this as straightforward and supportive as possible.

Step 1: Gather Personal Stories and Insights

Before putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), start by reflecting on the person's life. Obituaries aren't just lists of facts; they're narratives that capture the essence of who they were. Use these key questions to guide your brainstorming, jot down notes, or talk to family and friends to collect anecdotes. This collaborative approach can turn the task into a healing exercise.

• Personality and Character: How would you describe their personality? What three words best define them (e.g., compassionate, adventurous, witty)? What made people laugh about them, or what stories best reveal who they were? Did they have any unique quirks or memorable phrases they always used? For example, if your loved one was known for their infectious laugh or a signature saying like "Life's too short for bad coffee," weave that in to bring their spirit to life.
• Passions and Interests: What were they passionate about? What did they love to do in their free time (hobbies like gardening, sports, travel, or reading)? What causes or organizations were important to them? Highlighting these shows the depth of their lives. Perhaps they volunteered at a local animal shelter or spent their free time hiking in national parks. 
• Accomplishments and Milestones: What accomplishments were they most proud of? Include professional milestones, educational achievements, military service, or community contributions. This could range from a long career in teaching to raising funds for a charity or earning a degree later in life.
• Relationships and Impact: Who was most important to them (spouse, children, grandchildren, specific friends, or even pets)? What kind of impact did they have on your life or their community? How would they want to be remembered? Think about their role as a mentor, caregiver, or community pillar.
• Memories: What is your favorite memory of them? Asking family members this question can often jog memories and provide rich, personal anecdotes. Share a story like a family vacation mishap that turned into a cherished tale.

Gather these details in a document or notebook. If emotions run high, it's perfectly fine to take a break and get a breather. Remember, this is about celebration, not perfection.

Step 2: Include Essential Factual Information

Every obituary should blend heartfelt stories with key facts to provide a complete picture. These details ensure the announcement is informative and helps with practical matters, such as services. Here's what to include:

• Announcement of Death: Start with the basics, the deceased's full name (including maiden names or nicknames), age, date of death, and location of death. The cause of death is optional and should only be shared if the family is comfortable.
• Biographical Information: Cover their date and place of birth, where they lived throughout their life, education details (e.g., schools attended or degrees earned), career highlights (e.g., "devoted 30 years to nursing at City Hospital"), and any military service (including branch, rank, and honors).
• Family Members: List surviving close family members (e.g., "survived by loving spouse Jane, children John and Sarah, and five grandchildren") and acknowledge those who predeceased them (e.g., "preceded in death by parents Robert and Mary").
• Service Details: Provide the date, time, and location of any funeral, visitation, memorial service, or burial, along with the name of the funeral home. If services are private or virtual, note that here.
• Donations/Flowers: Specify where to send flowers or, in lieu of flowers, suggest donations to a meaningful charity. Include the name, address, or website (e.g., "Memorial contributions may be made to the American Heart Association at heart.org").

Organize this information chronologically or thematically to make the obituary flow naturally. Aim for 300-600 words, depending on the publication's guidelines.

Step 3: Structure and Write the Obituary

Now, let's put it all together. A strong obituary typically follows this structure:

1. Opening Announcement: Begin with the factual death notice to grab attention. Example: "John Doe, beloved husband, father, and community leader, passed away peacefully on January 3, 2026, at the age of 75 in Anytown, USA."
2. Body – The Life Story: Dive into the personal elements from Step 1. Start with their early life (birth, education), then move to career and accomplishments, and finally to passions and relationships. Infuse anecdotes to make it vivid: "John's quirky habit of collecting vintage maps led to countless family adventures, where his motto 'Adventure awaits!' inspired us all."
3. Family and Impact: Detail survivors and predeceased, then reflect on their influence: "John's spirit lives on through his dedication to environmental causes and the love he shared with his grandchildren."
4. Closing – Services and Memorials: End with service details and donation info. Optionally, add a final sentiment: "John will be deeply missed but forever remembered."

Write in the third person, using warm, positive language. Keep it concise yet emotional, avoid jargon or overly formal tones. Read it aloud to ensure it feels authentic.

Step 4: Edit, Review, and Publish

• Edit for clarity and tone: Check for errors, ensure the language is inclusive, and confirm facts with family.
• Get feedback: Share a draft with close relatives for input; they might recall details you missed.
• Publish: Submit to newspapers (check fees and deadlines), post on online platforms, or share via social media.

Final Tips for a Meaningful Tribute

• Be honest and heartfelt: Write about the real person, the little things that made them unique, the habits that drove you crazy sometimes, the moments that still make you smile. People connect more with truth than with perfection.
• Respect privacy: If something feels too private or raw, it’s fine to leave it out. Not everything has to be shared, and protecting certain memories honors them, too.
• Include a photo if you can: Most places accept one. Choose a picture that feels like a candid shot where they’re laughing or doing something they love. It says more than words sometimes.
• Reach out for help if you need it: When grief makes it hard to find the right words, don’t force it alone. A service like RemembrLink.com can help you create a personal obituary that truly reflects your loved one, their character, their story, and what made them irreplaceable.

Writing an obituary is an act of love. It preserves memories and helps the healing process. If you need personalized assistance, RemembrLink.com is just a click away. Honor your loved one by telling their story; it's a gift that lasts forever.